I’ve had a year of big emotions…some real highs but also the presence of emotions I wish I could say I somehow rose above. Deep sadness, anger, jealousy, envy--all have reared their heads at various points this year. At times, I've found myself yearning to switch off my emotional valve or simply tune out! In the workplace it sometimes feels like ‘emotion’ is a dirty word. Big emotions, of any variety, are often frowned upon as 'unprofessional,' and those deemed 'bad' are especially taboo.
An online search on 'emotions in the workplace' yields a trove of articles preaching the importance of managing, ‘dealing with’ and keeping control of emotions at work before they control us. As managers and leaders, we often go to great lengths to avoid situations that might trigger 'undesirable' emotions in our teams and direct reports. We sugarcoat feedback to prevent tears, excuse ourselves from others’ personal problems saying it’s none of our business, and opt for the safety of email to avoid difficult conversations.
But let's face it—can we truly leave our emotions at the office door, even as seasoned professionals? Highly doubtful! Those significant emotions linger beneath our professional veneer, influencing our thoughts, reactions, and decisions throughout the workday. What if we embraced these so-called 'big bad' emotions? What if we allowed them in, acknowledged them, and learned from them?
Evolutionary psychology suggests that emotions exist as crucial sources of information and connection. They serve as an early warning system, guiding us to pay attention, take action, set boundaries, or say no. They remind us of what we value or care deeply about. Emotions also provide insight to those around us, offering a glimpse into where we stand emotionally and how they can best support us.
To fully leverage these benefits, we must shift away from viewing negative emotions as pathological or toxic. Perhaps it is s time to discard the notion that struggling with big emotions like sadness, fear, or anxiety means that we are defective or broken. Being able to bring our whole selves to work will require leaders who don't shy away from team members expressing 'big bad' emotions. It will require leaders who have the vulnerability and courage to openly share their own fears and stresses in order to foster psychological safety and resilience within their teams.
So, as I reflect on the year gone by and look ahead to 2024, I'm hoping for a bit less emotional turbulence. But, I'm also planning to extend more grace and compassion to myself when emotions inevitably arise. I’ll be looking to see the value, learning and growth in my ‘not-so-bad’ big emotions.
For those interested in delving deeper into the realm of emotions, both within and outside the workplace, I recommend:
· Dipping in and out of Brene Brown’s wonderful book, Atlas of the Heart , which outlines, explains and gives us all better words to describe and understand our emotions
· Reading this Harvard Business Review article on why sometimes the best leaders are ‘sharers’.
· Listening to this interview full of interesting tips and advice on workplace emotions from the authors of the book: No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power Of Embracing Emotions At Work
